And now it’s time for Susanna Hill’s Valentiny contest! The rules this year: write a Valentines story appropriate for children (children here defined as ages 12 and under) maximum 214 words in which someone feels guilty!
My entry is 210 words.
Only the Best for You, Mom!
By Jilanne Hoffmann
Mom, why are you giving me the stink eye? One of your eyebrows is crawling up your forehead.
Me? I didn’t do anything. What?
What’s on my lip?
That’s a—
mustache. Well, actually it’s glue from my Halloween mustache.
Why is it brown?
Um—because it’s so old. Halloween was a long time ago.
What smell?
No, I don’t smell anything, unless you’re talking about Cheeto.
Cheeto farted.
You smell chocolate?
That’s cause Cheeto’s a chocolate lab.
What? You want to see my hands? Both of them?
At the same time?
But—it’s Valentine’s Day, and I’ve got something to give you.
What?
I’m not finished fixing it yet.
Valentine’s Day is almost over?
How can it be time for bed already?
Why do you want to smell my breath?
It will just smell like Cheeto’s chocolate fart.
Well, when you put it that way—
Ahhhhhh.
Why is my tongue brown?
Maybe from licking my mustache?
No?
OK, I give up. These are for you.
I’m sorry they’re—
Smushed.
I’m not crying. I was going to fix them, because I had to squeeze so many to find my favorite. I wanted to make sure they were good.
They are?
I love you, too!
Um, are you going to share?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Not guilty, your honor….
Cheeto wishes you a Happy Valentine’s Day!
Jilanne Hoffmann 
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Oh, Jilanne! We have a chocolate lab, and my boys love all sorts of potty humor… the jokes resonated on so many levels! I laughed a lot in those 210 words. Well done!
Thanks, Jennifer! We have a black lab mix rescue who was sitting here, advising me while I wrote. She was the one who gave me the idea, LOL…..
That’s a cute story that would certainly crack up the kids!
Thanks, Lynn! Yes, I was thinking of my son and his dog, LOL….
Jilanne, what a funny story! I hope Mom shared.
I’m thinking she did. Thanks for stopping by!
Oh my! I can definitely picture this sequence of events. And I love the sense of humor you’ve woven throughout. Best of luck in the contest!
Thanks, Colleen!
You know it really is the candy company’s fault. If they only put good fillings in our chocolates, we wouldn’t have to open them up.
Cute story. Cheeto farts smell like chocolate cause he’s a chocolate lab is awesome, or should I say pawsome.
From one guilty tester to another.
Ha! I agree. It’s the fault of the candy companies. Maybe that’s why some include a “map” of the box. But so many of them don’t! Cheers to Cheeto and his pawsome farts!
😂😂 Adorable! Good luck in the contest.
Thanks, Laura! It was one of those last minute “sit down and write something” decisions. Always fun to have a few rules to follow.
Very cute! Cheeto is a cool dog’s name. Good luck!
Thanks! I wanted the alliteration, lol, so Cheeto seemed like a good candidate.
What a creative format!
If I were submitting this story (and not following the rules of the contest), I’d most likely orient the reader by including an opening art note that says these lines are all spoken by one character in response to an unheard statement from the mom. This would clear up any initial confusion caused by the unusual format.
Ha! In our house, my daughter’s always the one asking me what sweets she smells on my breath! I love the chocolate lab connection – kids are pretty clever!
It goes back and forth in our household. I can often smell sweets like gummi bears much more easily than chocolate, but my son can sniff out chocolate in a room where it was eaten a few hours earlier, LOL. Notice how I used the non-attributable passive tense “where it was eaten.” Not pointing any fingers at the culprit.
Oh my goodness! You had me at eyebrow crawling across the forehead!!! Wonderful story, Jilianne! You put so much voice and humor in so few words!
Thank you, Candice! It was a fun story to write. Cheers!
Super fun story! Gotta love kid reasoning!
Oh yeah, it all makes sense to them!
You obviously know how hard it is not to eat chocolates even when you intend to give them to someone else, Jilanne 🙂 I could picture your MC on the witness stand being questioned and squirming his way through the answers – the picture of guilt 🙂 I’m sure mom did share…also sure he’d already had his share 🙂 Thanks for joining in the Valentiny fun!
Ha, Susanna! It was a pleasure, as always! So much fun! And thank you thank you thank you for doing this for us! You are a fantastic community builder! Cheers!
Guilty and caught brown-handed or brown-mustached! Great fun and a sweet ending. Good luck!
Thank you, Nancy! And thanks for stopping by to read and comment! Cheers!
Fun story, Jilanne 🙂 Ohhh, that my pups’ farts smelled like chocolate-LOL I’ve also encountered the box of chocolates with a bite taken from all of them-no mercy shown when it comes to chocolate candies!
Wish our pup’s odiferousness was of the chocolate variety, LOL. Thankfully, our son has grown out of the “testing” phase.
LOL-testing phase still at work here 😉
Cute! Chocolate labs are so sweet–love this little story.
Thanks, Kate! With picture books, it’s all about compression. Cheers!
Funny! But what is not funny is biting in to an I’m-positive-it’s-caramel and the tasting blech-it’s-coconut. I do not blame your candy smusher one bit:)
So, I see you’re siding with the guilty party. Hmmm, says a lot about your chocolate-coated character, LOL.