The CIA Told Me to Smile

13 Jun

So there I was, demonstrating against having my phone records snatched, when some guy from the CIA with a PhD and a white coat carted me off for a little “VNG.” Going for a Spin
Suffice to say that I was worthless for the next 36 hours.

You tell me what you think “VNG” stands for.

20 Responses to “The CIA Told Me to Smile”

  1. heylookawriterfellow June 13, 2013 at 12:09 pm #

    Very Nerdy Goggles?

    Brace yourself, my friend; it looks like you’re about to have a very bumpy ride!

    • Jilanne Hoffmann June 13, 2013 at 12:27 pm #

      The guy in the cell next to me said that he’d rather have his fingernails pulled out, but I think he was just trying to set my expectations.

      Nice guess, but, no. Those goggles are the latest in torture eyewear.

  2. artourway June 13, 2013 at 12:21 pm #

    Looks interesting to me. Hope you are ok. Scared to even guess . . . . but want to know.

    • Jilanne Hoffmann June 13, 2013 at 12:30 pm #

      It is fascinating, and yes, I am OK–now. It took awhile for the effects to wear off. I’ll post a description of the test when I can type more.

  3. erickeys June 13, 2013 at 1:05 pm #

    Videonystagmography?

    • Jilanne Hoffmann June 13, 2013 at 1:22 pm #

      Congratulations! You are correct. Now, I have to ask, did you Google it, or do you have personal experience with this particular brand of torture?

      • erickeys June 13, 2013 at 1:24 pm #

        Google. Honestly, I’m surprised the CIA is still in business when you can pretty much just google the answer to anything.

        Sadly, the wikipedia article that came back didn’t explain the level of torture involved so you’ll just have to write that up for us – your adoring blog audience.

    • Call of the Siren June 13, 2013 at 4:13 pm #

      Nice! wow….

  4. FictionFan June 13, 2013 at 1:19 pm #

    I’m sure they used that contraption in Alien!

    Hope it leads to a good result. 🙂

    • Jilanne Hoffmann June 13, 2013 at 1:37 pm #

      Yes, I believe Donald Sutherland was in the cell next to mine.

      Tests are leading to a result, one that I’m not going to be happy with as it will significantly affect my diet, including the consumption of salt, caffeine (coffee and chocolate), and alcohol. I am currently a wheat-free person, so I ask: “Is life still worth living?” :o)))

      I hope to get a reprieve from this life sentence—perhaps low sodium diet only? But that won’t be decided until mid-July when I see the ENT, and he interprets all of the results.

      • FictionFan June 13, 2013 at 2:16 pm #

        I’m trying desperately to find comforting words but…no chocolate?!? Too, too cruel! Just make sure you’re wearing your fiercest hard stare when you see the ENT – frighten him out of it! And meantime you have a full month to stuff down as much of the stuff as you can…

  5. Call of the Siren June 13, 2013 at 4:14 pm #

    Why do I keep thinking of the cockpit scene in Star Wars? Man, that’s an impressive-looking setup!

    • Jilanne Hoffmann June 14, 2013 at 11:22 am #

      At certain points, I felt like I was in Star Wars, although I was only being attacked by red laser light points, gyroscopes, and wind tunnels.

      • Call of the Siren June 14, 2013 at 3:05 pm #

        I’m glad you survived it. Hopefully you used … the Force. Sorry, I’m a ten-year-old stuck in an adult’s body.

        • Jilanne Hoffmann June 14, 2013 at 3:22 pm #

          No need to apologize. I think it is hard-wired in the Y chromosome. 🙂

  6. Michael Odom June 13, 2013 at 5:07 pm #

    You seem to be enjoying it — which is just the kind of attitude the CIA is trying to keep out of Guantanamo.

    • Jilanne Hoffmann June 13, 2013 at 7:06 pm #

      I was smiling because I had entered a dream world where this highly specialized form of torture was going to be free instead of putting me in debt for the rest of my natural life.

  7. Eva van Beek June 14, 2013 at 4:52 am #

    Oh dear, I am not sure what is all about…and what for and if it is even legal (well CIA has been doing some weird business in the country I live in lately, so everything may be possible).

    • Jilanne Hoffmann June 14, 2013 at 9:41 am #

      Eva, Yes, everything is possible; however, this post is my weak attempt to joke about a problem I’m having with vertigo. The testing resembles torture, but the people administering the torture are very nice and have my best interests at heart—-unlike the CIA.

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